Not A Great Day

Today's meeting at The Churchill confirmed that the cancer is back.  The biopsy analysis says it is sarcoma again, in my groin.  The last PET scan also showed up an area in my left kidney.  I didn't see Prof Hassan, Dr Pratap stood in for him.  Probably a good job as I fear I would have been angry and agressive to the Prof, but Dr Pratap is so lovely I stayed calm and logical, only crying when she was out of the room.

Dr Pratap offered 2 different possible chemo regimes to slow down the cancer after she had confirmed it was back and that it will take my life.  I have said I will try one of the regimes as long as I can have it at The Brodie Centre in Banbury.  I can't see any point in going to The Churchill every day for 2 weeks, the time it extends my life by will be spent sat in traffic.  We are planning two rounds of chemo and then review.  If it isn't working we can swap to the other regime which involves daily tablets and has a side effect of raised blood pressure.  With my abnormally high blood pressure the tablet version sounds dangerous.

I asked the "How long do I have?" question.  Dr Pratap's answer was, on average a year, some people live longer, others less.  So I should make my birthday on 23rd June this year, might make Christmas and could even make it to my birthday next year.

I don't really feel any different to how I felt yesterday, I knew the cancer was back, I can feel the tumour getting larger.  It is good to have it confirmed, the doubt is gone.  I am not sure there is any point in getting a second opinion, but I have made an appointment with my GP for next week as she will have to initiate the process.  I also checked with Dr Pratap and she suggested a couple of places that may be able to give a second opinion.  However, I have a tumour, surgery removed it before and it grew again, intensive chemotherapy didn't get rid of it, radiotherapy only works on small areas.  They don't have any more tricks up their sleeves.

When Dr Trent first had to tell me and with Dr Pratap today, I really felt for them.  It must be an incredibly rewarding job when everything is going well, but must be so hard with news like mine.  They do an incredible job and deal with enormous emotional stress.  I respect and admire them.