Thursday, 25 July 2013

Good days, bad days

Into cycle 2 week 2 and it has been a roller coaster ride.  The weekend wasn't great, Monday and Tuesday were grim and things picked up on Wednesday.  Feeling OK today.  I think the combination of the steroid withdrawl and the change of chemo chemicals does my head in.

On Monday I was starting to doubt my sanity.  I had become almost obsessive about buying something to cheer me up.  I spent hours on the internet scouring ebay and model shop websites hoping I would find something to cheer me up.  Every time I found something my brain then went into "what the hell are you doing???" mode and told me I didn't need to do it.  On Tuesday I started looking at cars and found this  After much anguish with myself and my brain I chatted to Sharon and she seemed perfectly reasonable about it.  I was still in a bad way emotionally and mentally though, so I shelved it.  We were both very emotional and spent sometime just crying and hugging.  I suppose it is good that I recognise when I am emotionally unstable and don't just go mad spending money on things I will never need or have time to enjoy.

Felt much better on Wednesday morning  though and decided this was a good compromise.  After all, I have been looking at Caterham 7s and Morgans which would cost far more and be much less practical.  So I rang the man.  Unfortunately he had someone coming from France to look at the car on Wednesday morning and they bought it, so I can't have it.  Shame as it could have been fun. Felt good enough in the afternoon to go out.  Got the Lnd Rover out and went and sat in the tractor cab with Andy whilst he was haymaking.  Great to get out, great to spend some time with Andy and catch up with others.

Today's chemo was early, 9:00, as they are short staffed at The Brodey today.  Went fairly well, was over by 11:00.  I missed a phone call whilst I was there, it was the warden from Mum's flats.  Mum is ill again.  It is really difficult, I ought to rush over an help her out, but all the advice says stay away as picking up an infection from her could be catastrophic for me with my chemo reduced immune system.  The doctor has been and says she will come back on Tuesday,  what Mum is supposed to do between now and Tuesday, I don't know.  Penny has stepped in and is making calls and talking to the care agencies.  I think it will all be OK.

I am hoping that things will stay good for the rest of this week and next, lets see.

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