Sh*t Happened

Well I was all psyched up for this being round 5 of the chemo and it all being over in 6 weeks.  Then I went to see the consultant this afternoon.  It was Professor Hassan, the expert.  He said that clinical trials indicate that rabdomysarcoma is best got rid of with lots of maintenance chemotherapy.  When we started he wasn't sure if a man of my age would cope with this as all the clinical trials and experience is with children and young men.  Remember, I am one in a million and he has never seen this type of cancer in a man of my age.  I have been so resilient that 'we' have decided that I will have a series of maintenance doses.  Basically this means that I will continue with chemo until the new year with two nights in hospital every 3 weeks. 

One dose would be due on December 24th, but he has said we can skip this one.  Radiotherapy will then commence in the new year some time.  I have to say, I am devastated.  I have been planning everything around it all being over in 6 weeks and now I have the rest of the year to look forward to.

I say 'we' decided.  It was a bit like the PICC line discussion, when a leading world authority says it is the best way forward, I wasn't about to disagree.  It has risks, it can have adverse impact on my heart and my bone marrow, but he reckons I am coping with that.  The heart scans show that the treatment so far has had no impact on my heart, my blood tests show that my blood recovers between treatments, so here we go.

The blog will continue for much longer than originally planned.  I will come to terms with it, but at the moment I just want to cry, and have been.